TRANSCRIPT
Trauma, Healing and Positive Identity Development for Youth with Complex Access Needs 
5/5/25

>>Dr. Karyn Harvey: Hi, it's wonderful to be here. I'm so impressed. People are from so many different places. I'm actually in Baltimore, Maryland, actually a little bit north of Baltimore. So how nice for all of us to be together! Would you like me, Casey, to jump in. 

>>Kaycee Bennett: Yes, ma'am, go for it. 

>> Dr. Karyn Harvey: Alright. Alright. So I'm gonna share my slides so often. I talk about trauma and disabilities, and my experience has been for many years I've been in the field, and the challenge has been that so often people focus on behavior right? And and I have felt for years that people are stigmatized because of their behavioral issues, and that has been something that I dealt with, and and I have to say quite honestly. I was guilty of for for a while. I was actually guilty of it because I was. I 1st started working in the field as a behavior specialist. and that was my job. I'm just wondering if you can see my slides. Let me just make sure. Slideshow. Do you see a series of slides? I think I've shared the wrong I have. I have to apologize because. 

>>Kaycee Bennett: We just see you, I think right now, Dr. Harvey. We don't see your slides. 

>>Dr. Karyn Harvey: Okay, I'm gonna start over. Thanks. Okay, share. This time. It didn't let me share. Okay, thank you for bearing with me. But so in terms of my story, working with children and adults with disabilities. It was very easy to focus on behavior, to try to reward good behavior. to focus on what needed to be changed. And as I did that, I started to realize that there was so much more going on with people. Then really we were aware of, or then we were addressing, and there was much more based on what folks had gone through. And so I I had to learn. I had to change. I had to acknowledge the fact that in some ways I was able to make things. I was making things worse for people without realizing it. What? Because we would talk to them out, their behavior, and what they need to work on. and kind of miss the person beneath it. In that process we ended up making people identify by their behavior. Oh, I'm somebody that's not that good. or I'm somebody that bites, or I'm somebody that fights, or when that was so wrong. and through the years I came to realize. But I had to change the way I was working. and the 1st thing I had to do. I really felt that it was so important to do therapy with folks, and that people need therapy. So many years ago, when I was, I had my Master's degree working as a behavior specialist. and I would go to the supervising psychologist. I would say to him, I think these people need therapy. you know. We're just not doing enough for him for them. And he would say, Oh, you can't do therapy with people with disabilities that just didn't make sense right back. Then they used the R. Word. Oh, you can't do therapy with Mr. Only deal with their behavior. And then we all had the big revelation. Oh, people have co-occurring disorders. So then we began to over medicate people. Still not acknowledging the need for mental health treatment. So I went back to school. I had to get a Phd. I had to get tortured and pay money for it, and I did, and went back to school and started doing therapy with people. I was actually doing therapy before on the sly like, come here, how are you feeling? And I heard one trauma story after another, so so many things right, which we now know about the high incidence of sexual abuse. of neglect, of physical abuse, of so much trauma in the lives of so many people with Idd. and I started to realize that I needed to educate myself about trauma to really understand what was going on, and I spent a lot of time doing that. But then I realized, that's not enough. We've got to focus on what helps people to heal. And that's what we should be looking at. So that's kind of a little bit about my journey and what I'm going to talk about today, the trauma, the reality, but also the importance of healing. So the 1st thing I want to say is actually the most important thing that I have to say today, and that is a big. Thank you. Thank you so much. Okay, there, sorry about that. Hmm. I am trying to change my slides, but there's a big slide that says, thank you, but somehow I can't get to it. I don't know why. Okay, sorry, guys. I'm having one of those days. There we go. It's been a long day, too. But thank you. Thank you. Because you choose this work to support people with complex needs and complex access needs and people who are marginalized. And it's such an honor for me to be able to interact with and meet and connect with those who choose this work. So all of you thank you thank you for being here for seeing the unseen. and for hearing those who are not heard so frequently. There's a wonderful Buddhist saying from Nietran Daishaan, a Buddhist scholar said, unseen virtue brings visible reward, and everybody here because you do this work, or perhaps you're a family member. But because you're in this world. There's so much unseen virtue. Every single person. I bet you can write down right now 3 things you've done in the last week that nobody knows you did. That helped somebody else that kept someone going. And there's a lot of unseen virtue. So thank you. Thank you for all you do that. No one even knows or isn't acknowledged. I don't know about the visible reward, I would love to say, and I'm sending everybody a check for a hundred dollars. But I'm not sorry. but I'm I want to say thank you. Thank you for being that person, and I want to make sure that you take care of you. and that's the thing right? We all know this. We all hear about self-care, but it's a reality of when you are a giver, and when you do giving work work that helps others. You have to refill your bucket because we give and give and give right. And then at the end of the day you need something left for you. and this is really critical. So I would love everybody to think right now, and you can put it in the chat of something you do that fills your bucket up, something you do for you, and what fills up your bucket. What do you do? I used to tell everybody to do yoga right. Oh, workout! That's good. I wish I worked out good for you. I used to tell people to do yoga, but I don't do it because it looks like it hurts, and I don't do voluntary pain, and I'm a wuss shop now that's what I'm talking about. Yoga and Dr. Who I love that and art. Oh, that's wonderful, Tracy. Yes, you got to do for you so random acts of kindness. See, you're such a good person, Diane, that even doing for yourself is still doing for others that's so sweet. Oh, Bath, thank you, Leslie, that's what I have not done, and it's a wonderful thing to do. I haven't done that in so long. I love that idea. I'm gonna do one tonight. That's so great. Yeah. Walking is so helpful for me. You, too. Yes, and photography. Oh, Melissa, that sounds wonderful. I'm sure you're really talented. Please please do for you. and more exercise. I want to be like that, Regina. That's what I want to be. I love that, but the walking is as good as it gets for me. but the release of it is so wonderful, isn't it? Whatever it is for you? You have to make yourself a priority. and I know I'm saying things that you already know, but the reality is that we don't always do it. And when you're working and supporting folks who've had trauma. we know that there's secondary trauma right, you absorb it without even realizing it. And so you, the self Care, or that filling your bucket. as I prefer to call it, is urgent. So whatever you said, you do do more of it. Okay? Digging up hackberries. That sounds like fun. Wow, Sarah, that's cool and put yourself on your schedule. If it's your Google Calendar or your outlook. important appointment, right? And it's an appointment with yourself, really important. because you're working with people who have trauma. And we know from so many people that, working with folks who have trauma, we can create our own trauma right? We have secondary trauma without realizing it, often absorbing that trauma, compassion, fatigue. burnout. All these things happen when we work with traumatized people without taking care of ourselves without filling our bucket. So that's that's so critical. I really hope that all of you can do as much as possible for yourself. and as we go into the spring and the summer sometimes you know it. and actually, spring can be a very difficult season for a lot of folks. Sometimes there's seasonal triggers and their suicides. Interestingly enough, April is the highest suicide month, and so we just got past that. and spring can be a trigger working with folks who've had a lot of trauma. And and we're looking at at anniversaries that we don't always know. So when we're looking at youth sadly, there may be histories of sexual abuse, of physical abuse. Bullying. of course bullying is rampant. I wish I could say, Oh, wow! Now the world really gets it, and folks with disabilities aren't bullied. But I can't even think of someone I've worked with, and over 35 years I've been doing therapy with folks. and they've all had some kind of history of being bullied, which is trauma right being excluded, and sometimes even having residential or institutional placements being restrained, being secluded. All sources of trauma and people are bringing that with them. There's this video. It's a little bit hard to watch, but important because there's a number of young people in residential treatment centers, because maybe they failed in school settings. They didn't fail because my experience is working with people. They failed because their trauma wasn't recognized and treated, and it came out behaviorally, and they were misunderstood, and because no one was listening they had to use their behavior for communication, or they were just triggered. and this young woman shares her experience about being in the Judge Rottenberg Center, and you can see all the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder when she describes her experience. And here she is. How many times a day do you think you were shocked? In the beginning I was shocked every day. and then it got less and less. But then there would be times where I would have like a bad day. I'll get it a lot, or when they started putting me on the board and chalking me. I would get like 5 or 10 shocks for just doing one thing. What was that like that was that was like being underground in hell. Can you describe it for me? I mean everybody. People have seen that video of the one young man who was shot like 30 times. It's it's so scary that that you don't even feel like like it's real life anymore. Just feel like you're floating. I just would make myself try to float because it's so scary. I would ask God to make my heart stop because I didn't want to live. When that was happening to me. I just wanted to die and make a stop. so you would ask God to make your heart stop just to end it, because my heart was beating so fast, and I was swaying. My heart was beating. I thought, maybe my heart will stop and they won't be able to hurt me anymore. 1 1 day they they came to me and said that from now on, if you if you do certain things. instead of getting shocked once you're going to go on the 4 point board and you're going to get shocked 5 times over 10Êmin. Why, they they didn't really explain why they just said. That's your new program. What was that like for you to be told. This is your new program. You're gonna be strapped down to a board. I got so sick to my stomach that I just wanted to throw up. I couldn't eat. I just felt so nauseous and cold. I felt really cold and sweaty and nauseous. and I was so worried about it that I wanted to make it happen to get it over with. like I was so scared of it happening that I like fulfilled that fear to get it over with. So I I don't know. It just felt like I worried about so much that I just wondered what would happen when it happened. So you know what I mean like when you're so scared of something you almost make it happen just to get it over with, so that you won't feel so scared for a while. That's how I felt. You know, the center, the center says that this treatment, this shock therapy is better than putting kids on a lot of drugs. What do you think I've been? I've been one of those people that was like all drugged up on so many medicines. and I will take that any day over being shocked because I wasn't afraid. I was tired. I wasn't afraid. I wasn't afraid of Staff. I wasn't afraid of people. I was just tired. I'll take that any day over what happened. What do you think shock therapy is to you? What would you call it? I would call it Oops. I'm so sorry I read the chat and it stopped. Oh, I will call it beating someone up. It's is. It's just. It's just mean it's hurting, it's abused. It's abuse of power. Some people call it torture. Yeah, what do you think? It's torture? Yeah. And thank you for saying it was so heartbreaking, it is so heartbreaking, and it continues to go on. The judge. The State of Massachusetts has sued several times. and the Judge Rottenberg center where they're giving shots, has won. and and they continue to do it. I consulted at an agency where they had transitioning youth coming who had been there. One woman she they have. They all have backpacks with the shock equipment that they had to carry around everywhere. and a wristband that administers the shock, and she would walk up to any doorway in the house like she would walk to the kitchen doorway and say permission to enter the kitchen. and she would walk to the bathroom, permission to go to the bathroom. and she was just so afraid all the time, and when she took her shower she stuck her hand out because they weren't supposed to get the device wet. And this still continues. But you can see the symptoms of trauma as this young woman describes them, and as we see in so many young people. right dissociation, she said, when bad things happen, I would just try to float and not be there work with a number of people who do that. And then she said, I will pray to God to make my heart stop. and that suicidality is a reality. I believe that there were times when I talked about somebody running into the road, jumping out of a car, doing different things as a behavioral issue when it really was suicide attempts. And then I came to understand that. And when I began doing that therapy and supervising others to do therapy, then we realized so many folks actually were suicidal. She talks about the physical effects we see so many physical symptoms of people from their emotional trauma. Right? The Bessel van der Kok talks about that, and says in his book, the body keeps the score. How the body stores that trauma. And you know even the smaller traumas are big traumas for the person experiencing them right, that the the it being excluded being discriminated against being the victim of any kind of ableism, is its own trauma and that intersectionality right of of racism and ableism. So today, this is how recent it was today. I was consulting with an agency I often consult with them behaviorally difficult situations where and there's a fellow with autism. large fellow with a lot of behavioral issues. He's young. He's just turning 21 transitioning youth. and they felt like they've had other people with the same behavioral issues that were accepted into the hospital. But they didn't want this guy. And they said, You know, these other guys didn't talk and had some issues. but they won't take him. He's blacklisted. And they said they felt a big piece of that is that he's black. and they're in a very white area in a rural section. and that guy is being discriminated against. And there's an intersectionality of it that is trauma. And my experience is, people know people know exactly what's going on when they're being discriminated against when ableism happens, and when racism and that intersectionality. Thank you for saying that, Casey, so sickeningly true. And thank you, Sarah barbaric. when they're talking to me today, what can I do. I'm like. I wish I could fix this. I'll call the hospital. And then my suggestion was, Can we get a lawyer involved? And this guy sat in an er for 2 weeks and then was discharged, and the hospital that had the bed that had the unit that serves folks like that wouldn't take in. So yeah, this is quite a reality and a terrible one, as we know. Right? So and here we go, just the reality of being bullied. I don't know how many of you have seen love on the spectrum. but I show this also, because. you know, we know when there's really difficult behavioral issues and and a lot of stuff that often folks get targeted, they get bullied, they get excluded, they get put in residential treatment centers. They get restrained and all that is trauma, but actually just going through life with a disability is trauma. We don't know if any of you have watched love on the spectrum. But I found a video of love on the spectrum where the people in the show and these are some very privileged people, right? They live in Australia. It's the 1st season they're white. They're they have nice homes. Not everybody. But you know they have different levels of privilege. And but they're all talking in this clip about being bullied and how much it affected them. And this was eye-opening to me, because I realized, wow, this is kind of a universal. that there's a certain degree of trauma from bullying experienced by folks with disabilities, and this did not make it into the shell. Here we go. Do you think it's harder for people on the spectrum to find love and companionship? Yes, we weren't born with manners like you are. We have to learn all our social cues. I tend to overthink things a lot. I have trouble like with reading people's emotions and body. Language too. Sharp noise can harm my brain. I do have trouble socializing, maybe making decisions. I have social anxiety. It's like you're in a room with lots of people, and you're told that one of them has a knife, and if you talk to them they will stab you. It's like being in a transparent box. No one can hear you, no one can. Well, they can see you, but they can't interact with you. You can bang on the wall, but you can't get out of it. So it's very lonely being in the box your entire life, because no one can get in and you can't get out and no one can understand you. I just want to share my life with someone very special, and to show her that my disability is not an obstacle, that I'm capable of falling in love when I was a kid I actually found it difficult trying to be friends with others. I've been to free schools. I always get a bully all the time there'd be pushing. There'd be name calling. There'd be people trying to take my hearing aid. They figured that I was disabled, so it was easier to pick on me, I guess. Pick on the week. Well, I'll just say in high school it was more like I was just treated like dirt. There were these few girls who, they said I should ask this person out. I didn't realise it was a complete set up just so they could just reject me just as a way of mocking me really didn't tell my mum that I got bullied because I always get these bruises on myself and that yeah, I just wanted to get out of school, you know. I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to get therapy because it was really dark times. Then does it still affect you. Yes. Oh, yeah, the scars don't go away. The negative thoughts. I think you know, being bullied have made me who I am, and if I wasn't booed I would have been someone completely different. My autism, I feel it's what's given me my creativity. It is hard having a disability and going through life with a disability, and you've got to keep moving on with life like a phoenix wise up again, because I've got a disability, and on the spectrum. People are always going to look at me as different from them, and I know I'm different for them, and that's fine. So if we're all the same, it'll be pretty boring 2. She has a great attitude, but you can see this. One girl says when I'm in a room with other people I feel like one of them has a knife, and they're going to stab me. Imagine every social situation that you're in feeling. Someone has a knife. And so autism in itself has its own trauma and folks carry it, and to different degrees. But you you can see that. And the girl who says, yeah, I feel like I'm in a transparent box, and I can never get out of that box. I and no one can hear me, and I can't see that that's tough. That's a tough situation. So. looking at at that trauma, we can pretty much assume that folks have had trauma when they're going through life young and have a disability and struggle doesn't mean you have post-traumatic stress disorder, but there's traumas that are associated with it. And it's tough. And we need to recognize that and look beyond behavior. Ptsd can be on a continuum. People can have all different degrees of it. The Bucharest early intervention study showed the trauma of neglect. They went to Romania in Bucharest to a very poor orphanage, and they divided the children there from 6 months to 4 and a half. They divide them into 2 groups, and one group they put in a very nurturing foster care setting, and the other group they left in this really impoverished orphanage. After almost 5 years, 4 and a half years. Here's the results. The children left in the institution. 55% had some kind of access one disorder, real, serious mental health issue, and it went down by 20% when those children were nurtured in a nurturing foster care setting so critical that we find these folks and nurture them. Bruce Perry wrote a wonderful book, the boy who was raised as a dog that showed the effects of this nurturing and how much it changed. And this study does as well. Emotional disorders were down by 20%. The last row are people raised in their biological home. Behavioral disorders were a little bit less because a lot of kids just shut down or dissociate right? They're just not there. And then the average IQ. This is important for me working in this field, because the average IQ. Of those who were left in the Orphanage and neglected was 73, and those who were put into the nurturing Foster care, setting 85. There was a 12 point increase in IQ. 

Trauma changes the brain. The children who stayed in the institution, their gray matter in their brain actually shrunk. Many, you know, we're physically abnormal, smaller didn't grow properly. And then there were some premature deaths. So, you know, when we work with folks who have been neglected, we know that there's we have critical developmental periods where you need interaction. and if you don't get that interaction. And if you have neglect, that's impactful trauma as well. And I've worked with a number of people who were born into chaos right? Maybe there was a lot of drug or alcohol abuse in the home. Maybe there was even exposure in utero. That's its own type of trauma. We know families have trauma right? There's intergenerational trauma. and often the family. The trauma begins with the diagnosis when there's a child with a disability. But there might be generations of trauma. added. Those children are young. and I believe that trauma is the elephant in the room, and we have to address it, and we have to figure out how to work with people, and that many of the responses that we're looking at when we work with folks are trauma responses where that limbic system, or that amygdala is sending out signals of fight, flight, or freeze to the smart brain and just shutting that brain down. We know now, right that when you're in fight flight or freeze mode, because you see danger, or you perceive danger, your smart brain isn't even working right. So people can't operate at their optimum when they have a lot of trauma, and they're not getting support with it. And when they're feeling threatened and in danger. we may not even know why, and often with the folks that many of us work with, we don't know why. so it makes it kind of even more challenging to really go deeper, go beyond what we see on the surface and look for what kind of emotional issue is there, and what emotional support is needed rather than saying, we're seeing a behavior problem. We may be seeing a trauma response. I believe we often are that fighting right where that brain has, you know, given the danger signal, and that danger signal has released cortisol and adrenaline through the vagal nervous system, and the person's in a traumatized state, and they're in fight flight or freeze. the attachment issues come up, become very needy. Often people are judged and stigmatized for their trauma responses as though it's being deliberate, as though it's manipulative when really folks are in a trauma state, and this is a reality, and they need to feel safe. So a trauma response can be triggered in a very irrational manner, an overreaction to a small event, emotion base, and does not serve the person well, and often people apologize over and over again afterwards versus if we're looking at the traditional behavioral model, we're assuming that a behavior has purpose and intent. And we assume that when we actually do a functional assessment that this is an action with intent when often it's just an action that was triggered very different. And I made mistakes because I looked at people as being knowing what they were doing, and maybe doing something for attention when they were so triggered and so alone. They were just trying to make connection. not attention. Right. Stephen Hawking says the greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance. It's the illusion of knowledge, and that's when I believe I was the most wrong when I didn't understand. Gosh! There's so much more going on. People are so complex, and I love that we we called this Casey helped me to rename this as access and complex right, that folks have have a lack of access and complex needs. And this is really a challenge in our field to understand, to go deeper. A behavior is just the tip of the iceberg. The behavior is the symptom. and if somebody had asthma and they were wheezing and wheezing. Right? We would say, Do you need an inhaler? Are you okay? Do we have to get a nebulizer treatment? Do we have to go to the er but when someone has trauma and they're freaking out, maybe they're putting a hole in the wall or running away or fighting, because the best defense is a good offense. Then we, without realizing it, sometimes shame them for their symptom. We wouldn't say to someone you're wheezing on purpose. You just want attention, or you're being so manipulative with that wheezing. And yet in some ways it's kind of the same. So what do people need to heal? They need to feel safe. they need to perceive themselves as safe. They need to be living in safe situations. Right? Safety is number one in being able to heal from trauma. Next, they need relationships, unpaid right relationships that are real connections. There's so much evidence talking about the importance of relationships in terms of people healing and and inoculating people against trauma. People that have lots of friends were much more likely to be resilient than people that are lonely and isolated. So critical and empowerment. Folks need power. They need choices that are real. I work in certain situations where we say, Well, we're very person centered. and then we ignore them for a sense going to name names. But sometimes they're like, but this guy is telling us what they want, and we're all ignoring them, and we're talking about them with them, sitting right there as though they're not in the room, and we're deciding what's important for them, and they keep saying, No, but I just want a friend or no. But I just want to, you know, do gardening, or are we listening? People feel safe when they're heard? They have connections, and they're empowered. So we, I think we have to get better at listening. And communication is a critical factor. Right? How can we communicate and really hear people identify their preferred modality of communication. So this fellow that I consulted with this morning. He has an ipad, but they weren't paying attention to it in the hospital. They weren't even listening to him when he was trying to tell him. Tell them what he needed. and when the staff went there they just had it in his backpack, and they weren't even letting them use it right. What is their preferred modality of communication? Is there assistive technology, you know? Sometimes the assistive technology doesn't follow someone when they make a transition into a different program. And that's a critical issue. You know, we need to be able to communicate, identify those key phrases that are important for that person and key phrases. That may be a trigger. and I think it's very important to train staff in listening. I remember working at one agency for years where we had youth, and we had adults, and we had constant constant incidents and all kinds of things went on. I felt actually I was working with a young woman who said to me, Nobody hears me, nobody listens to me. That's why I get so mad. And I was like, Wow, she's so right. And so we instituted a listening training. We trained all the staff, the frontline staff in the school and in the adult program in listening. and we just reinforced it over and over again. We gave out rewards for people caught listening, or where the folks would report that someone listened to them. We just tried to make a listening culture after a year took about a year, and after a year our incidents went down by 85%. It was so powerful when people felt heard. and we would say, If you hear it, you don't have to see it. And so importantly, you know, what is that person's way of communicating because oftentimes. And I learned this years ago through gentle teaching, and John Mcgee, who who taught people. Even if somebody is not using words, be present. be there, listen, engage so effective. So these aspects of human killing. Listening is number one that gives brings us to feel safe when we're heard. have connections and have power in our life meant people need movement. Since the trauma is stored in the body. We need to find ways that everybody can engage their body regardless of their situation. How can their body move? For years I worked at an Arc, the arc of Baltimore, and we ran what we called the healing center, and we took people we knew had severe trauma, and we worked with them from September till June, and we did chair yoga, we did a drum circle. We did dance and movement, and we just let them get it all out, and we saw all kinds of changes in people. We also did some trauma work. We did Emdr, we did group therapy. and we saw people just start engaging in their lives in ways that they hadn't been before. So that movement and physical engagement so powerful. How can we help people to move their body and engage I'm playing. Play is so important. Stuart Brown says the opposite of play is not work, it's depression. and oftentimes people are so shut down right that they are not. Play isn't even in the routine of their life. And we have to look at how we can develop people to have this rich life of play, of engagement, of of movement. Right? You all know this. I'm preaching to the choir. I know this. Let's see. Oh, good! The session next week's on play. I love it. Yes, yes, you guys get it. You already got it. So important. And another way that we can help people that I feel, is really critically important, especially when working with youth is helping them to develop a sense of identity, and that helps us to heal from our trauma as well, having a sense of self. Years ago Eric Erickson talked about the importance of developing a sense of identity during adolescence, and he says in adolescence. That's when we get a sense of who we are. That's when it's really important to get a sense of positive self like I am someone. And he says, every every stage in life there's a conflict to resolve psychosocially. And the psychosocial conflict in adolescence is identity versus confusion, role confusion. Right? Who am I? What am I? And I believe with many people with disabilities, we have not just role confusion, but there's a negative identity. There's the message of what you're not. Oh, you're not gonna marry. You're not going to be driving those messages that are coming through during that critical period when identity should be developing right. So how can we flip that? How can we help people to really have a sense of who they are? Have a sense of? I am someone. I do this. I have friends, I have preferences. I have something on my website. I should put the I can put that and the chat. Oh, thank you for doing that. I do provide. I've been doing Emdr. I see that question from Robin. I've been doing Emdr with folks with disabilities for over 20 years is the most my most effective go to tool in therapy, even though I also use my I love Emdr right, and I've actually done it with a number of people who are non-speaking. When I'm known that there's a trauma that's occurred that we've been able to process. And there have been behavioral symptoms. And then we see those symptoms. You know, lesson radically. I mean, it really works. It's so amazing. And I swear by it. And I have on my website a series of workbooks to develop a positive sense of self. I'm going to put that down here, karenharvey.org. I should have had a slide with it. Sorry about that. but I I have my book to celebrate me. which is kind of an autobiography where people express and celebrate themselves. and then I 1st people that have yearly meetings. We make copies of those books so they can share at their meetings and celebrate who they are. for folks who are grieving, who have lost someone. We have my goodbye book that helps them to process the loss and to really reaffirm the identity, because sometimes when people lose someone who's very valuable in their life. They there's a sense of I'm I've lost my own value. So we really focus on supporting that sense of self and value and helping people to have that character right? So important, how can how can we not focus on behavior, but focus on strengths and beauty, and celebrate the person. What matters most is how you see yourself. How can we show people the mirror of your best possible self? This is who you really are. and and celebrate that self right, catch them being good, but celebrate them because they are good. Oh. Daisakui! Keita is a great Buddhist scholar, and he says, ultimately, happiness rests on how you establish a solid sense of self or being. and I believe that that's true, and that rather than focusing on trying to fix people. we should focus on supporting their growth and their development of their sense of self and their identity. And of course they have to feel safe to be able to do that. So we have to set environments up that are safe that are with, you know, connection, support empowerment, then that growth. It's wonderful wonderful. See. approach by Carol Dweck, that maybe a lot of you know about the not yet approach or the growth mindset. and she talks about the importance of not having a sense of failure, not having a sense of you. Don't. You're not able to do this, not putting people in boxes. but having a not yet approach. Oh, you're so close and praising the process. She talks, and she has done all kinds of research about the growth mindset. Where children are taught differently with her plan. nobody ever fails, and everybody is praised for engaging in trying. and the process is what is focused on the challenge, the process. the joy of learning and growing with no outcomes, not outcome, based, not looking at whether or not you achieve the goal. And we're very goal oriented in our field right? That is a radically different approach. If we just approached everything based on process and she's gotten great results. I have a wonderful video to show, but it's a little bit long. So I recommend that you look for her. Carol Dweck, DWEC. K. On Youtube. She has a number of Ted Talks. but her whole approach is that not yet growth, and to praise the process. place character over behavior and reinforce process instead of outcome. Right? That you're trying. You're doing it. This is fantastic. I actually think I I can show a little bit of it. I believe it's so important. and I do have a few minutes. So I'm going to show just a little bit of it, so you can see her and see what she's today talking about and not the commercial. If you're tired of what today you is doing, get an accounting fundamental certificate from Wgu school of business and get a whole new tomorrow. You in. Just sorry about that enroll today at Wgu. What if you could do SEO smarter and faster with Wix, you can edit your meta tags. Here we go. I'm so little the power of yet. I heard about a high school in Chicago where students had to pass a certain number of courses to graduate, and if they didn't pass a course they got the grade not yet. and I thought that was fantastic, because if you get a failing grade, you think I'm nothing. I'm nowhere. But if you get the grade, not yet. You understand that you're on a learning curve, it gives you a path into the future not yet also gave me insight into a critical event. Early in my career, a real turning point. I wanted to see how children coped with challenge and difficulty. So I gave 10 year olds problems that were slightly too hard for them. Some of them reacted in a shockingly positive way. They said things like, I love a challenge, or, you know. was hoping this would be informative. They understood that their abilities could be developed. They had what I call a growth mindset. but other students felt it was tragic, catastrophic. From their more fixed mindset perspective. Their intelligence had been up for judgment, and they failed instead of luxuriating in the power of. Yet they were gripped in the tyranny of now. So that's what I wanted to emphasize, and and it's so much better to hear hear it from her than me. The power of yet. James, we're so close, and we're doing so great versus, not achieved, not achieved, not achieved. I've seen many, not achieves. So you know, I think that the most wonderful thing is that there are people like all of you who are committed, who are committed to every day trying to learn a better way to do things every day. We're we're trying to figure out how to give support what's needed. What's best. you know. I feel so honored to be in this field with people like all of you who are really committed to helping others, especially in this day and age when, and selfishness is kind of being illustrated for us in different ways. But not all of you. There's where I I love to quote Amanda Gorman, the poet, because she says there is always light, if only we are brave enough to see it, and if only we are brave enough to be it. And I really want to thank all of you and praise you because everything you do is shining a light, you know. to people who have been neglected, to people who have been marginalized, to people who have not been heard, to hear them. to interact with them. To see them. To celebrate them is the greatest gift and just being present. Right? Just being present is so wonderful. So thank you. The more we can pull people into the here and now, the more we can help to celebrate who they are not fix, but support, the more we can facilitate, facilitate healing, because that hope changes everything and healing happens. So I've left just a minute or 2. For comments, and I'm always trying to. Yes, she's so wonderful. she does so much for children.