TRANSCRIPT - Managing Self-care as You Care for the Children and their Families you Support Ð 5/20/24 

>>Jana: I will tell you, I'm a licensed clinical social worker and I've worked as a family engagement coordinator for years for the Arkansas Deafblind Program and now as the family engagement initiative lead for the National Center on DeafBlindness, NCDB, which is referred to a lot. So that being said, what I want to be able to have you learn to some capacity is just to understand how self-care includes one's mental health and to identify and reflect on your individual personal experiences, stressors and relationships that create warning signs of burnout, compassion fatigue that we'll talk more about, and/or what's known as secondary or vicarious trauma as you care for others. Also want to learn or at least identify some self-care strategies to acknowledge where you are personally in caring for yourself and balancing priorities of physical, mental, emotional, and those relational areas of one's life. It impacts all of them, right? And as I go through this and really, especially where you're at today and in this last week, what you've gone through over the last nine months, you find yourself in a place of high anxiety and emotion. I really would ask you to just stop and breathe. You might want to do that right now, just to be in a better place to listen. Think about where you're at in this moment. Away from the stressors that we'll be sharing. And in a place of acknowledgment but safe in the moment of identifying your feelings. This alone can really reduce anxiety. And then listen in curiosity of how you feel and about how you can rethink what you can do to move past those feelings. Still taking the time to breathe and be in the present moment, using some of the resources that I present today. I'd also be remiss if I didn't inform you of a little bit of our work at NCDB. We are the technical center -- assistance center that provides support to state Deafblind programs across the nation. Our primary focus is on family engagement, identification, and referral. The need interveners and qualified personnel and transition. I say this because the challenges are great, given the diversity, complexity, the rarity of our children and their family's needs. However, the knowledge and experience of observing the resilience, the capabilities, learning and community building can happen if we continue to do our work with you. And that includes stopping, acknowledging the challenging work and impact it has on us as a human being as we all are people who care. So you see I am in the business of caring for others, just as most of you are. And I acknowledge too that this work takes time. More time and then more time, which takes hopeful and driven energy out of all of us. I can tell you that my work is important to me and it's my work that motivates me to keep going. But I wonder sometimes at what cost to myself. But most importantly do I feel I'm doing the best work I can with and for the family leaders that I support and in my relationships outside of my work. We'll talk more about this but for now I want to tell you what keeps me going as I remind myself of the work in elevating our families' voice so that we all learn and contribute to the best outcome for their child as they learn and grow. The value of family engagement report was a collaborative research-based effort that includes over 130 families' perspectives whose child's Deafblind. It really does drive my work and gives me space to reflect on a higher purpose. This is a quick read. If you're interested, the link is at the top and you'll receive the PowerPoint. But I'm just saying that by having my "why" it really contributes to how I care and the self-care I do for myself in finding this purpose. So I ask you what is your "why"? Think about that. In a world of being overwhelmed, exhausted, and questioning your value and worth in the work you do, you more than likely have similar characteristics of one who is in a service profession and those who are listed -- those characteristics are listed here. Which are: Compassionate, empathetic, accepting, patient, available, being present for others, and passionate in your beliefs and values. So these are good qualities to have. But as you know can contribute to burnout. The compassion fatigue that we'll be talking about and the secondary trauma from others. Resetting, maybe needing to get back to an equilibrium in caring versus hurting yourself. And, as a result, the important work that you really do want to do. I want to remind you that not all stress causes symptoms of burnout or compassion fatigue but it is dependent on each individual. Dependent on our family history, our genetics, and our lived experiences. Here are signs of distress to pay attention to that came from a very easy to read booklet that you can print off that's on the resources at the back of the -- my last slide. From Katherine Volk and her colleagues called what about you. While it was inspired for people who work with homeless, it definitely applies to our profession as TVIs, as teachers, as caregivers. I smiled as I read some of these, maybe out of guilt, and thought about myself at different times of my life. I think some of these points may resonate with you. So you find yourself hoping to get the flu, just so you have a reason to stay in bed for a day. Your children shudder in fear when your boss' name is mentioned. You start using a penicillin stead of a pen to put dates with your partner in your schedule. Work evaluations and student files become light bedtime reading. And we'll continue with your best friends think you've moved away because they haven't heard from you in so long. You consider Red Bull a part of a balanced diet. You fall asleep during trips to the dentist's office because it's the only time you put your feet up. And it takes you six days of vacation to even begin to feel relaxed, and six minutes back in the office to make you forget that you took a vacation at all. Some of these sound familiar? But on a more serious note, the stressors in your profession of caring is complicated as you try to identify how to decrease anxiety caused by distress. It's not just the nature of your work, which includes that organizational climate, I might add, but also your personal lived experiences and how you manage them. And one needs to take into account the aftermath of the pandemic, its impact on you and others. It isn't over, really. It's been a transition, right? The environment in which we live influence us as well. So our immediate family, our community, and the larger community. In a world of increased social unrest -- and that includes the number of mass shootings, social atrocities against other races, and most currently the war in Gaza. We find ourselves in a state of overwhelm, which is referred to in a book by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky that I would recommend to you. These factors all around us, while we're caring for others, contributes to our need to pause, be present with yourself, and acknowledge the need to breathe and put balance in what you prioritize in your life. I can identify with this quote from Jana Stanfield. I cannot do all the good that the world needs but the world needs all the good that I can do. This feeling of overwhelm can cause burnout and being in a place of burnout can in turn cause compassion fatigue or vicarious trauma. And I'll go into more detail in a few minutes. When we use the term "self-care" it can be regarded as taking some, quote, me time. Possibly a massage, a vacation, exercise. This is where people have typically gone to. While these are good strategies, they may be temporary and it may not be practical either or easy to do for many. Plus -- and this is where I want to emphasize. We really do want to factor in our own mental health as well as we acknowledge those overwhelming levels of social injustice that I spoke of just a minute ago, which can be layers of issues beyond our control. Yet may influence the challenging work you do and this conflicting thought of not being able to do, again, all the good the world needs. But the world needs all the good that I can do. 

>>Kaycee: Hey, Jana, this is Kaycee. We're behind a couple of slides. It's not showing us your current slide. 

>>Jana: Thanks for telling me. I get too excited about what I'm reading. There's the quote. There's more talking about not enough. Thanks, Kaycee. So as you look at this slide -- and I apologize. We also see the inequities and injustices that families and their child may suffer from. And it's real. At home, in the school, and in our bureaucracy of systems in general. The uncertainties and changes we see creates our own uncertainties. The loss and grief we see or have experienced is also factored in in how we view the world. Again, you intersect that with COVID, the natural disasters, war, and the political divisiveness, it adds up. Our work and the impact that we want to have affects our mental health and our ability to do our job well. Which impacts the children that we're trying to help. Their families and others around us. Depending on the level of distress we may be suffering from. And, again, it's dependent on each individual. But we'll talk more about that in terms of what you're suffering from. And it could also mean impacting what is happening to you could impact your own family and those relationships that you treasure. Let's get to the right slide. This cumulative stress that I talk about, these layers and some that we do not have control about, is as unhealthy as a major crisis that you may have encountered. But here are some warning signs that I would ask you to reflect on. Being afraid to take time away from your daily activities. Thinking the worst in every situation. Reacting disproportionately. Never taking a vacation. Forgetting why you do your job. What's your "why." What's the meaning that motivates you. Decreased performance at work. Constantly not getting enough sleep. Increased arguments with your family. And decreased social life. As layers of stress accumulate, it affects the individuals in different ways: Physically, in one's personal life, and in our professional life. So the need for self-care is not about self-indulgence and just that, quote, me time I spoke of. It really is about self-preservation, as the quote from Audre states. The book that I referred to earlier "What about You"? Defines burnout as the physical or emotional exhaustion, especially as a result of long-term stress. Within that burnout, Kaycee told me that you guys did talk about burnout at one time. I'll just divide that burnout in what Katherine Volk talks about in terms of three main components: Feelings of emotionally exhaustion and being overextended by your work. Feelings of depersonalization, which can end of resulting in negative, cynical attitudes towards your students, clients, peers. Then the third main component is a diminished personal accomplishment, reflecting a sense of lower competence for yourself and lack of achievement in your work. So compassion fatigue and vicarious trauma, the trauma that is -- you suffer from because of the trauma that you see, hear, and are a part of with your children and with their families, that's at a higher level. It's more serious if burnout doesn't get addressed. So while all of this is dependent on each individual, like I mentioned, it refers to a change in how we make meaning and purpose in who we are and the meaning of who we are in our world. It may be manifested, reexperiencing trauma events of your students, even. Or avoidance of the traumatic events. Or you're in persistent arousal, on guard of those events, depending on how involved you were in those traumatic events with the student. As human beings we have core psychological needs that include safety, trust, esteem, control, and intimacy. Compassion fatigue and the vicarious trauma affect those core needs. If we are burned out, we feel emotionally depleted. If we're experiencing compassion fatigue we may experience change in our ability to trust. We may have difficulty with intimacy, being concerned about our own safety , and experience intrusive images that are related to the traumatic stories to which you've listened to. Prior to burnout you may feel frustration at things, other people or events that begin to build up. Typically things that you're not in control of. As you feel overworked, overextended, and overwhelmed. So warning signs to pay attention to are: Increased conflict, sad, angry, anxious, and irritated. Losing patience, exhausted, a loss of motivation or interest, and feeling guilty. And helplessness. Other warning signs are losing interest in family rituals and routines, avoiding phone calls from friends and family. Feeling disconnected, detached, or trapped. Hoping you can just gain enough energy for the next day. Difficulty understanding what's happened to you. And attempting to manage your feelings without reaching out and seeking connections with others. The warning signs needed to be taken seriously but should not be feared. So my point that you will hear me say again and again is to acknowledge them. Work through them. Don't disregard them. Don't push them away. And give yourself grace. Permission to be irritable and angry and to use some self-care strategies that will help you in a holistic manner. So I'd like you to think through how you balance the areas that make up what your priorities are. You can see the five areas listed here. And I put a pie chart in there, just for those of you who might want a visual to plot where your priorities are currently as you think about and go through physical/health self-care. Psychological self-care. Emotional self-care. Your spiritual self-care. And that spiritual self-care is really what helps you in terms of really seeking support within. It doesn't necessarily mean making sure you go to church. We're talking about meaning and purpose and faith, why you have that purpose. It could be meditation. It could be a variety of things where you get to spend time with yourself and think about your purpose. And then the last area is your workplace or professional self-care. So on the next slide, I completed this myself. Truly thinking about it at a conference I was at. I know it's changed somewhat because hopefully I've gotten a little better but I don't know if that's true. But it gives you kind of an example to go by. You can see the majority of energies are spent in my work. And Kaycee and I were just talking about it before the presentation today is how much we spend, given who our personalities are, given those characteristics that I talked about, are in the passion of the work that we do for others. You can see that I kind of try to prioritize exercise and what I eat. That might even be less. I probably was trying to be positive in that area. My family at 15%. My spirituality at 5%. And my mental well-being priorities are at 5%. Again, it's a gauge but it's a healthy exercise just to think through it yourself. How much time am I really spending in these major areas of my life and to plot them and ask yourself, without judgment or rationalization, does this reflect my values? Is this how I want to balance my priorities in life? It's kind of reframing what people say quite a bit is what fills your cup. But reframing it is really let's reprioritize how my cup is already full. I'll say that again. Instead of saying what fills my cup, let's reprioritize how my cup is already full. Because the truth is we do need to work on our mental health. We do need to be able to interact in a high-quality way with our family and friends. And I do need to work more on my spirituality and what makes me and my life purposeful. In the long term, not just for my job. Because I want it to bring me to a place of being cared for, personally, and settle in being a better person for me and others. At my work and outside of my work. It really is important. So I want to think about these areas to see where I balance my whole self, to be able to effectively help others. Maybe I'm not doing a good service, even though I think I am by the amount of time that I spend. And so those areas: Physical/health, psychological and emotional health, which includes the level of laughter and fun in my life, is how I look at it. The other is setting and maintaining boundaries that we're going to go into a little bit more. This is huge! I don't know of too many human beings say that they're good at setting and maintaining boundaries. And then the areas of family and friends, to be able to feel good about nurturing and maintaining relationships. And then that spirituality. Am I spending time in thought, prayer, meditation, valuing what meaning and purpose I want my life. And then the work and financial. This is where we typically get bogged down and are in a good place in how we want to perform and make a difference in our lives. It does impact our mental health. So I want to dive down a little bit more to talk to you about a key area and that is our relationships core to all of us, our needs as human beings. And then I have a list of the type of connections that form many of those needed relationships. And so I just added another pie chart for you to think about how would you rate the portion of time in a week that you spend with each person or group of people on your list. How would you rate that portion of time in a week? Would you want to improve on the quality and quantity of time as you think about those connections? An ongoing challenge, like I said for all of us, are boundaries within those relationships. The quality of the interactions with the people that you love, want to be around. Maybe there's some you don't want to be around. That's an issue too. But you may have found yourself as you thought about those connections, those relationships, the sense of stress in wanting to change the relationship. That very well could be the boundaries in your relationship because they're important to the quality of the relationship. So ask yourself what responsibility do you have to others in these relationships and what responsibility do you need for yourself. Ask yourself, when it comes to boundaries -- and, again, in your work outside of work. Am I doing too much for an individual that can do for themselves? Am I communicating in a way that reflects my limits in the relationship? So often we call this, in different circles that I work in, speaking the truth in love with the people that you have relationships with. Another question is: Am I aware of an individual's situation from an objective viewpoint or am I aware because I'm still suffering from my own situation? Am I too distressed to objectively listen and effectively contribute to this relationship? Whether it be professional or otherwise. Do I have my own support system for me as I help others? So in answer to these questions, I really do believe that this is a journey of reflecting on one's thoughts. Your reactions and a belief and trust that the process of working on maintaining boundaries in your relationships can create a higher-quality relationship for both parties. Because you're building relationships while caring for yourself. And it requires changes in how you've interacted, based on your personality and learned experiences. So you may need to work through unlearning how you may have been taught to care. Or patterns of behavior that have been so engrained in you that you'll have to change it up, which means changing your relationship. So much of it does include what you learned growing up from your parents and from others. Everything was well intended, it's just time for you to now think about yourself, who you are, and what needs to be relearned or unlearned. So, role clarity is also important when you're thinking about boundaries. Can this person do for themselves? Like I had mentioned before. The other question to ask -- and we'll go through this in the next slide. But am I providing empathy in my relationship? Am I providing sympathy in this relationship? Or am I over-identifying with this person and their needs? Also think about what and where are your supports. Do you have others that you lean on that are not intertwined with those that you're caring for? Do you draw on strength from them or are they weighing you down? And I'll dive a little bit deeper into this. So how are you connecting with those that you are with and care about? Is it in sympathy? Sympathy, according to Brenee Brown, especially in the research she has, truly in your relationships drives disconnections. So in this case with sympathy, one's concerned about the other but definitely from a distance. You're looking from afar with words that you're conveying that try to put a positive spin on your pain but it's not as effective as you would think. So it's the person that says -- that listens and says, well, at least you can still get pregnant. Or at least you have a husband. Or you kind of get what I'm saying. I think about our southern culture and to explain a traumatic story to someone or something that you're going through and you get a stare that says "Bless your heart." And in my mind I'm thinking, I don't know if that's helping me or not. The other connection with those that you're with and you care about is also one of overidentifying. So you're feeling others' emotions to the point of losing your perspective. It blurs boundaries when you're overidentifying. And you're not separating yourself from the other person. I can see someone saying, yeah, after listening. I'm going through that now. It's awful. And your own emotions are more important than what you just observed. Your focus is on you, not the other person. And then there's empathy. Empathy fuels connections. So you're definitely providing perspective. Your taking, as you're listening and learning, and you're putting yourself in the shoes of another but you're staying out of judgment and you're recognizing the emotions and feeling with people but still objectively. With a strength system and support system that you have outside of those that you're helping. And while we're practicing empathy and perspective taking and perspective giving with others, which is also key, which is expressing your needs. Asking for help and being mindful, tender, and having fierce self-compassion when needed. So you're being present in the moment to pause and be kind to yourself by practicing some of the empathetic thoughts and words you have for your friend who may be struggling. Think about that. Think about how often and how good you are at berating yourself with your own negative thoughts and criticism of yourself. And would you ever do that to a friend of yours? And Kristin Neff is saying don't. Be as nice to yourself as you are with your friends. She's done an immense amount of research and teaching on this with her latest book out on fierce self-compassion. And this is the need to take action to actually alleviate suffering that she equates to being a mama bear for yourself. And so it's turned inward to speak to yourself what your true needs are in order to make change. Again, expressing your needs, asking for help. And, like I had mentioned to the term speaking the truth in love. It will help the relationship and it will help you. I wanted to share this video that reinforces what I just said. It comes from the greater good science website, if any of you are familiar with that and have signed on in the newsletter. I would recommend it. It's under the science of happiness here and it helps describe the simple yet powerful steps to exercise in being kind to yourself. So I'll go ahead and just share it. [ Video ] 

>>Jana: So I hope that gives some sense of relief for what she said and that you can go back to it and play it again. The other thing is Kristin Neff has a website -- again it's on the resource page at the last slide -- that the website offers -- you can have a self-compassion assessment of yourself to see where you're at. And then she's also got some great meditative experiences to be able to apply what was discussed in that video. And that actual physical reaction of being able to take time to breathe and hold your heart, it's impactful. It's very powerful. I would recommend doing it and it's easy and you can pick short ones to be able to do it, to get into a pattern of doing it when you have triggers or even at night in bed trying to sleep. Another strategy to think about your feelings and actions of being when you feel like you really are distracted more than not. You feel disconnected and you feel attached but in an unhealthy way and feeling depleted. Laura van Dernoot Lipsky advises us instead of thinking less of what we have, think about more of what sustains us. So you can see that this is a thought exercise that helps you in your mental health and in your behaviors and actions and interactions with others. So when we talk about thinking about less of what erodes us and more of what sustains us, think about when we allow ourselves to become distracted, we can focus on being intentional with what we're doing and how we're doing it. When we're disconnected, we can take measures to be more present. And if we feel ourselves being attached, digging in or becoming entrenched, we can soften this by shifting into a position of curiosity, just to be able to say what's going on here? And you're almost looking from the outside in, once again, to help your thoughts and your mental capacity to set it aside. And just analyze it. Be curious about it. And when depleted, we can seek resources to bolster our stamina. Being curious about your feelings and thoughts and stopping and evaluating the why, to understand our true desire to be seen, heard, and understood, it carries a weight. Also understanding our need to be right. Think about that. Think about our fear. This universal fear of shame or humiliation if we aren't right. Just be curious about it. And wanting to be acknowledged and being afraid of being acknowledged. These are good self-aware ideas to think through. And our understanding and need for getting wrapped up in our emotions versus being present with our body's sensations and breathing. From there, the pausing the curiosity and the evaluating, it will help you in your current emotions that you feel and possibly can help you problem solve the issue in a different way than you normally would not have. Another research-based approach -- and I'm sure you have heard of this but I would definitely recommend it and practice it is in decreasing anxiety, other triggers and emotions that you feel coming up. Pausing your mind and body and stopping and breathing. So when you have the trigger that's associated with that increased anxiety or feelings that are unwanted, stop. Allow yourself a minute to take three mindful breaths. Thinking only of your breathing and observing the sensations that you get from breathing. And then proceed. This helps your brain receive more oxygen and for your thoughts to be set aside for a moment and for you to separate from your feelings. And over time it's proven to create a healthier person. Emotionally regulated, less work on what anxiety does to your body, and less long-term chronic diseases if practiced daily. So, to summarize, it is really about resetting. To recognize signs of stress, to include your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. To explore and learn. Be curious about the moment and your feelings. To remind yourself that you are a part of the human condition. Which also means you aren't as alone. And it also means that as a part of the human condition you should also be forgiving yourself at the same time. And part of reset is to increase the understanding of self-care strategies of being kind to yourself like you are with others. To stop and breathe, like we just talked about. And continue to practice these. And then I just want to circle back by ending with this quote from Confucius. Let's think about this for a minute. To put the world in order we must first put the nation in order. To put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order. And to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life. We must first set our hearts right. So I hope in some way this has helped. If nothing else, you've had some time just to think about yourself, which is a great self-care strategy. And I would also invite you to e-mail me if you have other, more personal questions or would like referrals, depending on what it is that you're currently going through. So, with that being said, I would open the floor to any questions you might have or misunderstandings or if I need to clarify something. I'm so happy to. 

>>Kaycee: Thank you so much, Jana, this has been so wonderful and so incredibly timely. I know as educators this is the time of year, especially where we're not taking care of ourselves and we need to be. I just thought this was perfect. Thank you so much for being here. Nolan agree. In the chat said fantastic timing. I think it's so relevant to thework we're doing. I thought it was interesting when you were talking about some of the work that others have done that you shared about it being meant for people who are working with the homeless population, but it really -- applying to our work. I thought that was really interesting and, you know, I think so much of other service roles like that directly correlate to the work that we're doing. 

>>Jana: Yes, it definitely does. And I would recommend -- it's just a really easy to read, maybe 30-page booklet that you can download and print. No problem. And it may get you excited to look at some of the other websites too.